I have to wonder at times, if things get easier, if a persons heart ever truly heals or if it simply learns to beat differently, learns to cope differently.

I always wondered how parents remembered the exact time, date, weight and height of their children years down the road, I have always been horrible with that type of information, but now I understand it. I understand when something traumatic happens - whether for the good or the bad - there is something engraved into us at that very moment that allows us to remember the simplest of details days, months, or even years down the road.

For a parent, it's the time their baby took their first breath, that their child was officially a part of this world. It is a traumatic but yet exhilarating event that brings many joys for years and years to come.

For me, November 19, 2012 is forever etched into my mind, my heart, my body, and my soul. Unlike a exhilarating and joyful event, this is one filled with grief, one where the world lost a Godly man, where a family lost a brother, an uncle, a husband, and a father.

It is a day that will forever be remembered not for the joy of what was gained, but grief over what was lost, what I lost, what my mother lost and what my siblings lost.

I find there are days that are easier and then there are days that hit you like a mack truck speeding down a highway uncontrollably. There are days I wish I to hear his voice, and I make the mistake of listening to voicemails I still hold onto only to be unsatisfied, because it's never enough.

There are days I am reminded of the things that were taken away in that moment that I wish I would have the opportunity to experience. There are moments I have to question God "Why" time again and again, only to have that question go unanswered.

And then there are days like today that my heart craves to hug my father, to talk to him, tell him how much I appreciate him, care for him and love him - only to come to terms that I can't. There are days like today I wish my heart would stop hurting even though I know it never will, that it will simply learn how to cope and deal with the loss better in time.